Blended Families

Millennials,

                        Some of the biggest causes of a blended family include death, divorce, and adaption.  We often use terms like step parent, mixed, re-constitutionalized, and remarried when we think of a blended family. No matter how our family is or came to be we need to know that it was ordained of God. In the family proclamation we read “THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between a man and women is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and mother who honor marital vows with complete infidelity.” I love this because it applies to blended families as well because both parents are to teach their children truth and right in all things. Whether a family has come together because of a divorce or death is okay, the children have a right to have loving guiding parents in their lives.

            Usually after two families have blended together it takes about two years for them to figure out what is normal for them. In two years the family will experience cycles that make them familiar with their new settings, rules, and family members.  Younger child often have an easier time excepting new parents or sibling in their lives simply because they don’t fully understand why the changes have occurred. Teenagers or adult children may have a harder time excepting new family member because they compare them to their biological family, don’t like the new discipline, they feel betrayed by their current parent for replacing their mom or dad.  These problems occur because the child is not used to their new cycle. Once the bumps in the new family relationships settle the flow of things are much easier, and the new family start to bond and grow closer to one another.

            When it comes to discipline in blended families, women who have children and remarried often will defend, interfere, or become emotional with how her new partner treats her children. The one thing that parents need to remember when disciplining in a blended family is that the biological parent needs to be the one doing it. Correction from a step parent to early can lead to resistance and mean comments being made like “You’re not my real dad I don’t have to listen to you.” The bioglical parent whether it be the mother or the dad needs to make sure that they are following through with punishments. Step parents often need to act like an aunt or uncle before they can fully disincline their new children. By acting like a fantastic aunt or uncle at first it allows the new parent the chance to be playful, but also reinforce the rules that are already in place.

            Couples who have come together to blend their families actually have a lot of opportunities to grow closer to one another. They get the chance to come together and counsel with one another about every decision made. By doing this the couples are having the opportunity to also grow closer to God. Consider this quote by Dieter F. Uchtdorf when he said: “Great marriages are built brick by brick, day by day, over a lifetime.”  I hope that with today’s blog it has helped those entering or struggling with their new blended families realize the happiness that can come from them. I want people to know that families are the most important thing that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with. We also need to be grateful for the opportunity to be sealed to our families because we know that we will get to be with them for eternity.

Blogger,

Laken Nordin

The Problem Solving Model

Millennials,

            Most of us tend to get mad at our parents when they punish us. We see discipline a s a big problem because as teenagers we seem to think that we “know everything”, and we view our parents as the bad guys. What we don’t recognize is that our parents have an even harder time dishing out discipline to us because they worry that it can our relationship with them. Parents discipline out of love because they want the best for us. In the Family Proclamation it states “HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are a heritage of the Lord” Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”

            When it comes to problems, it is best to go solve them using the Problem Handing Model. This model helps insure that both children and parent are dealing with the problem in the right way. The first question that we must ask ourselves is “Who’s problem is it?” which basically means who is going to be affect by the problem the most. The next step is to identify who is going to be affected by the problem, and that is either the child or the parent.

            In the case of it being the child who is affected the most by the problem the parent needs to allow them to go through the natural consequences. An example of that is if the child chooses not to eat the food for dinner, then they will feel hungry for the rest of the day. The only time to not let a child the experience natural consequences is in three instances These three instances include when things are too dangerous to where someone could die or become addicted to something, the next is if the problem harms others, and lastly if you are looking too much into the future.

            Parents who become the target of being affected most by the problem need to go through a four-step process to insure the issue get solved in the correct way. The first step is to make a request this could be asking the child to go to bed earlier or for them to clean up their toys after they are done playing with them. The next step is used only when they don’t listen to your request, and the problem is continually being done over again. You would then make an “I Statement” such as: When you choose not to put your toys away I feel that you are not listening to me because you keep doing it, and I would like it if you started putting them away in your toy box instead of the floor. If the child is still not listening to you after these steps, then the third step comes into play. At this step you want to make a frim statement. The firm statement can be something like “If you don’t stop you’re going to get in trouble.” The last stop step is do a logical consequence, so if the child chooses not to put their toys away then you put the toy away for two days. You wouldn’t make your child do jumping-jacks because they didn’t put their toys away.

            Whoever is dealing with the problem whether it be the child or the parent both sides need to show support. Support is the biggest thing with this model because it shows that no matter what the person is doing you still love them.

Blogger,

Laken Nordin

Working

Millennials,

When most of us think of the word work we automatically put it in the categories of being something bad or hard. Chores or small jobs like cutting the grass, shoving show off of the driveway, or babysitting are considered small jobs.  Most of us think that we should get an allowance for completing chores, but that actually stunts our attitude on how we look at work. Work should be done in a specific way also in my opinion to get our full blessings from it. That order is trying to work in pairs, serve others, pay your tithing, and then we receive our blessing from our heavenly father.

I was lucky enough to be blessed by getting to work with Brother Starley form my homeward in Virginia. He happened to be an oral surgeon, and he asked me to be the rotator where he was working. My job as the rotator basically meant that I cleaned the rooms and set up the rooms after each surgery he did. I wasn’t alone when I did this job though, there happen to be at least four other people that I worked with. Everything seem to go a lot smoother when everyone was in synced with the surgery schedule. It was nice knowing that if I was behind in something someone else could step in and help in-order to keep us on track. The group paring also helped in surgies when Brother Starley need a tool. The first assistant  stayed in the room suctioning while the second assistant got the tool he needed. This made things a lot easier for themselves and the doctors.

From experience I can tell you all the blessing you get from paying your tithing. Tithing is a donation to the church that consists of ten percent or more from whatever you made. Gordon B. Hinckley said “The LAW of Tithing is a law designed to bless us. It does not take from us. Great are promises of the Lord to those who live honestly with him in their offerings.” When we pay of ten percent of tithing we receive blessings that we don’t deserve or are searching for. The Lord gave up his only son for the sins of the world, and in return all he asks is that we pay ten percent to the church of what me make.

Some of the best memories people have come from doing chores or work as well. When working people are more open to side by side conversations. A bond is created when we are talking to the people we work with because they lead to laughing, joking, singing, and pranks. The opportunity to become closer to a parent, sibling, friend, or in-law can happen when you talk while doing work. Doing work or jobs is only hard to us because we make them hard. If our attitude was more positive about certain things we do, then the outcome of them will also be positive. Working is not a waste of time either, we actually learn the most when we are working.

Looking for service opportunities is the best kind of work anyone can do. We never know whether or not someone has had a hard time with things or if they need help with things.  My favorite kind of service projects to do is painting fences or doing yard work. Though I don’t get paid for what I am doing I still feel like I accomplished a lot. Seeing how happy my hard work made someone else is the best kind of payment I could ever receive. I love how Dallin H. Oaks explained service in his 2009, general conference talk when he said: "Our Savior teaches us to follow Him by making the sacrifices necessary to lose ourselves in unselfish service to others."

Blogger,

Laken Nordin