Transitioning to Marriage

 Millennials,

Marriage is an important mile marker in our lives. We get to experience a whole new level of love and living with our partners. Things turn from a “ME” situation to an “US” situation. It is important to talk to your partner about marriage in the engagement or courtship stages in your relationship. When planning your marriage some things to keep in mind to talk about are: money management, your behaviors, and roles. Also, before you marry someone I would advise on using the R.A.M (Relationship Attachment Meter).  The R.A.M consist of five attributes to a relationship which are: know, trust, rely, commit, and touch. Following the R.A.M in order allows a better relationship, and each attribute on the R.A.M has a safe zone. The save zones mean that one attribute must be higher than the others. So, you must know someone before you trust them, and you must trust someone before you can rely on them. At the very end of the R.A.M the know must be the highest and touch must be at the lowest.

When it comes engagements family structure or structures play a big role in it. You wouldn’t marry someone who hasn’t meant your family, and the same goes if you haven’t meant theirs. It is also important for a guy to know whether he has to ask only the father or both parents for their approval of marrying their daughter. Once you are engaged remind your parents not to invade your relationship, engagements are meant for the couple to become closer to one another through wedding decisions.  In Genesis 2:24 we read “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Planning a wedding has some ups and downs to it, on average a wedding cost around $2,700. When planning it is important to know your budget, your goals, and who to plan with. One thing to do when you are married is to avoid sharing your martial problems with your families. This can lead to arguments and is overall unhealthy for a relationship.

            The first month of marriage is a shocker for people as they begin to lead how to adapt with their spouse. This is a time for couples to talk about who does what around the house. This can include meals, chores, and activities. Couples who talk about their relationship early on in their marriages can develop a pattern and are proven to be happier. Remember that a job, children, and sickness can mess up the pattern formed by the couple, so it is important to come together as a couple to counsel about things. As a couple this early in your marriage knowing how to spend your separate and individual time plays a factor. It is probably not a good idea to be hanging out with the opposite sex friends frequently, it can be seen as inappropriate for your relationship.

            One year of marriage can either be the best time or worst time of your life with how you go about it. The most important thing for couples to do in the first year is smart decision making. You will be making harder choices and having to come together more as a couple than in your first month of marriage.  You’ll have to decide how to spend your holidays. Holidays can be hard as you have to decide which family to spend with, so many couples will choose to do half and half each year or celebrate them alone together. In this time frame couples with also start to talk about children, and if there happens to be a child now then the mother’s role changes drastically. Fine tuning such as deciding who does what chore changes, and time spent together as couple changes. This is why it is so important to counsel together as a couple, so decision making can be a way to grow closer to your spouse.

Blogger,

Laken Nordin

       

Dating

 Millennials,

Dating can be a fun thing for people our age. We get to experience new things with the opposite sex and get to do many fun activities. The things that attracts us to the other people is called propinquity. Propinquity is the state of being close to someone or something proximity. With myself being an LDS member we are advised not to date until the age of sixteen. We also follow the strength of youth when it comes to dating, it states “Do not date until you are at least 16 years old. Date only those who have high standards. When you began dating, go in groups or on double dates. Plan activities that help you remain close to the spirt of the lord.”  

One thing to think about when it comes to dating is whether to do it face to face or online. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides. If you choose to date face to face, then you get to experience the chance of having some similar interests with the other person. If you choose to date a person that you grew up with then your social classes might also be the same, which could put your share of money, values, and friends in the same category.  Your also able to see non-verbal signs in the relationship, and you can read / hear infliction. Some disadvantages with face to face dating include others being to inappropriate, too much involvment from your partner or close friends, and family feud. Online dating has a lot of advantages to it, as it is growing in users. Communication is an important part of the relationship, and you can use multiple way to talk to one another without physical contact. You also get to think on how to reply to the other person longer compared to those in a face to face relationship. People are more open about themselves on the dating websites. Now, there are disadvantages to dating online they include misinterpretation of messages, there is not trust, possibly of getting scanned or catfished, and competition.

There are many aspects when it comes to dating, and most of the time people tend to think in the moment more than long term. An example of this is where will they live as a couple once they are married? Most of the time people don’t think about this because they are more focused on just being in love. Attractiveness is also a key thing when it comes to dating. We see visually how people behave; that is what attracts us to them. Once we are in a relationship we can see how their behavior reflects on how we see them as a person truly. In today world people don’t understand the true meaning of dating. People just date to hook up, and this is wrong you should only date people that you plan of marrying. Hanging out is not advised as it lead to confusion, and inappropriate behaviors. Just because you know that you have a girl “hooked” doesn’t give you an excuse not to take her on dates.

People are honestly scared to date because they don’t want to be known as “players.” Being new in the dating world, some don’t know how to truly date they just assume that hanging out is a proper date. There are the three P’s to dating. The First one is PLANNED, this mean the person asking the date needs to plan out the start, end, and in-between points of the date.  Second is PAID FOR this mean that the one who did the inviting (either the boy or girl) has to pay for the date. Don’t do Dutch paying on a date, where you pay for your item and the other person pays for their item. It comes off as rude and embarrassing.  Remember a date does not have to cost a lot either. Lastly, is PAIRED OFF it is very clear who you are with on the date. It is a sign of commitment for however long the date is. If you are in a group you stay with your partner, so that they feel they have your attention.  With guys they noticed a lot of things that go on while on a date. The way that you respond or do or say on the date is a reflection of yourself to the other person (mostly talking to girls.) Always be polite and say thank you after each date. Even if you don’t have any interest in the other person complement them for the date that they took you on, it shows them that you noticed their hard work and creativity.

Blogger,

Laken Nordin

     

Gender

 Millennials,

            In the Family, a proclamation to the world is states “ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”  Our genders that we get at birth are extremely important to us, and our growth here on earth. With me being a LDS member, I personally believe that there are only two genders; which are male and female. Both male and female are equal to each other, and they help complement one another.

            The way that both male and females think are very different from one another. Woman tend to think long term, while men think short term. Also, woman can recall a lot more relationship wise memories, and can easily name how long a habit has been going on in the relationship. Females are more verbal with what they are thinking emotionally as well, and women are very good at reading other people’s emotions. They are also more cooperative thinkers because they take others opinion’s very seriously. Men on the other hand they are “box thinkers” they tend to come up with faster ideas then woman. They also don’t second guess themselves because they are very confident in their thinking. Males are very good at hiding their emotions as well, even though they say that they do not care what others think about them. There are some men out there who have no trouble hiding what they are thinking or feeling, but for the most part men keep their opinions to themselves. Competitiveness comes natural for men as well as there are always trying to outdo there appoint. 

            Now, in today’s world there are more than 50 genders you can identify yourself as on Facebook. This is crazy to me because I have grown up in the LDS church, and have been taught/ believed in there only being two genders. Part of why I think the people in the world today have warped the true meaning of gender is because of Satan. He is always trying to take away from people and break up our families. It is like we are holding each other back with our genders because we don’t understand each others weakness. People think that women only have three options in life and those are stay at home and be a mother, work, or a combination of both. For men people have the same idea, that there are only three options. For men those options are work, work, and work. In fact, these ideas of their only being three options is both wrong and right. There are men out there who would love to stay home with their children, as there are women out there who want to work. But, regardless of what people may think male and females may be different, but our roles have the same purpose. As parents we all want the best for our children. If there happens to be a relationship with two women or two men as parents nothing would change. Having two women parenting together would cause contention because there is too much emotion for one relationship. If there were two men parenting the same thing would happen with the parenting not working well enough, they would lack the nurturement that women have.

            I hope that today’s blog has helped you understand why God has created both male and females. Knowing how the brain works for each sex allows us to understand the opposite gender better, and we can see how different we are from each other. Overall, I know that a male and females purpose is to become good parents and to teach our children to be good people. I would like to close this blog with a quote by Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the twelve Apostles. He says “[Gender] in large measure defines who we are, why we are here upon the earth, and what we are to do and become. For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary. … The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness” 

Blogger,

Laken Nordin