Communication

Millennials,

Communication is one of the most powerful and influential attribute in a relationship.  There are three main parts to communication that people use today they are: words, non-verbal words, and tone. Communication with words is exactly what it sounds like talking back and forth. Non- Verbal communication are things like body language and expressions which happen to be the most understood. Tone are things like pitch, speed, and volume of how the person is talking. If we are able to understand and use all three of these communicational levels the right way then we can have better relationships with our spouse, children, family members, and friends.

Some of the biggest problems with communication include: miss interpretation, we don’t say what we mean, and we find it awkward to talk to others. When we text the use of Emoji’s are more prevalent than real conversations. We expect people to understand what we are saying through a picture. There are more facetime call or ear to ear conversations then there are face to face conversations. There is a five-step process to communication. We first focus on our thoughts and feelings then we are able to encode it to where we understand it. (Encoding is defined as our brains coming up with symbols or a system that we can de-code later.) Then after we have come up with a code there is a re-coding stage, and after that there is a medium or media being used like tone, body language, or facial expressions. Then one all those are done the person can influence based on thoughts and feelings.

A challenge that come with this five-step communicational process is being on the same channel. You can either agree or disagree to be on the right channel with one another. Signs of not being on the same channel include: screaming, leaving hints, or thinking that the other person doesn’t understand you. An example I have of this is when I get mad at my own boyfriend. I will often tell him to leave my apartment, and one day he actually did. I told me him that I was super mad at him, but he insisted that I was the person who told him to leave. I explained to him why I was hurt by saying “when I tell you to go away that’s when I want you to stay the most.” By not being clear, venting, and impulsive thinking we say things that make sense to us, but not others.How we can tell that our message got across or to make sure that we are understanding the other person we can ask questions. Through questions we are able to get a response. If your wife for example is saying “ you are self, all you do is work and that’s it.” You can ask “If I understand…” or “Did I catch this correct?” These two questions make it a lot easy to communicate back and forth to one another. Becoming vulnerable makes it a lot easier to hear and say things to your spouse children, family members, or friends. Communication is a very intimate things as well. when it comes to talking about hard issues or own anger take the time to hold hands with the person you are talking to. By doing this motion you are opening yourself, and saying things that you truly mean.

When communicating with a spouse the more thing that you can talk about as a couple the better. The closer you become as a couple the closer build up to God. When talking never use corrupt language which means say things that are not disrespectful, dishonest, or impure. Also, if you need give the other person the benefit of the doubt, really think things through before you say them as well because that is part of grace. In doctrine and Covenants section 76: 53 it states “And who overcome by faith, and are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true.”  This is important because those who have been married in the temple are not sealed to one another until they are living righteously. Communication helps with living righteously. It is also important to remember that when you are mad at your spouse Satan is egging you on to stay mad at them. This is why it is important to always be communicating in your relationship. The more you communicate together as a couple the happier you can become.

Blogger,

Laken Nordin

Stress

 Millennials,

            All relationships have some form of stress in them, but it is how you handle the stress that will determine who / what are affected by it. Stress shifts every one’s weight in the family structure as well. Let’s say a husband is unable to work because of health issues his wife has to start or pick up multiply jobs to provide for the family, if there are children they will typical start to become independent because mom and dad are busy, and leads everyone to a new role. Some stressors that occur in relationships include: money, divorce, threats from the outside, sexual change, and marriages.

One big thing people do as well is they confused stress with crisis’s. A Crisis is defined as a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger. This is where the A+B+C =X formula comes into play. A is the ACUTAL EVENT and how you perceive it. Next, it B which is RESOURCES and how you applied them. Lastly, is C DEFINE the event. If we use all of these then they help us with our total eXperience.  Knowing the resources that you have are very important as they are what can help you the most in your crisis. Some resources that are able to help you personally include: family members, your church, money, friends, houses or other properties, and technology. How you decide to apply these resources can help benefit you, and your own personal experience can count as a resource.

Looking at all things in a positive way no matter how big or small they may be helps you improve your outlook on the situation.  The way you talk about or think about a situation makes them worse or better. Have the mind set of “You may not be able to adjust the wind, but you can adjust the sails.” Open commutation in always important as well. We all get caught in events parts of the formula, rather than seeing how we can act and prepare to them.

Learning how to cope with stress can either be easy or hard depending on how hard you want to work on it. Coping means to successfully manage something difficult or challenging. Coping also has clear boundaries, activity making, and changes to help everyone. Benefits that come to coping with stress include: it effects everyone in your family structure in a good way, the shift if weight is distributed back to normal, and you make yourself prepared which allows you to conquer it easier.

Some stress that we experience help us grow, and it is part of our lives. Our brain often can not tell the difference between stress and danger, so it will go into fight or flight mode. This is why we get scared on rollercoaster or in haunted houses because our brain doesn’t understand why we enjoy the rush of it. About eighty percent of people who go into flight or fight mode their bodies tend to freeze up on them. Some people will also get tunnel vision to where they are only focused on what can hurt or harm them. This is like when people come face to face with a bear they are more scared of the sharp teeth and claws then the actual bear. The way that we diagnose the danger is how our brain decided flight or fight. The brain can only see things that match our emotional state. So, when you are mad you see all things in a negative way, and the same when you are happy you see everything as rainbows and butterflies. In Doctrine and Covenants section 93 verse 24 we read “And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come;.” I hope that this blog had helped you understand how to cope with your stress.

Blogger,

Laken Nordin

Intimacy

 Millennials,

In the world today, young people tend to just “hook up” with close friends, acquaintances, or random people. People will often use sex as a way to please themselves or someone else. This is not the right way to look at this sacred gift Heavenly Father has given us. In the proclamation we read “THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” I like the way that this is worded because is explains how intimacy is a way for a husband and wife to grow closer to one another, and to help them one day start a family.

When it comes to being intimate with your spouse three chemicals play a big role in it. The first one is Oxytocin this chemical is what makes you feel a bond or closeness between you and your spouse. It also helps contact the uterus during sexual intercourse. Dopamine is the second chemical, and it creates the rush you feel. A nickname for Dopamine is the “pleasure chemical” because you feel a sense of excitement and complement. For example, the rush you get when you go skydiving is composed of dopamine. The last chemical that helps with intimacy is called Serotonin. This chemical makes you feel relaxed, and is nick named the “wellness chemical.” Men and women also view intercourse different from each other. Men will usually have a sexual experience with a woman if he feels that they have a connection in their relationship, and then he feels safe or close to them after words. Women on the hand are opposite, they have to feel close and safe with a male partner before entering a sexual relationship. After the sexual experience women will then feel a connection in the relationship between the male and herself.

            To know whether or not that you have a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse is very simple. It is common for couples to come together to talk about what they both like and disliked. It is important to know your partners comfort zone, and to always make sure that everything is agreed on never forced. The best sex comes from when you think more about your partner, and they are thinking more about you. Sexual intimacy is very personal, which is why it should a private thing between you and your spouse. You should never talk about your sexual experiences with anyone as they are sacred. Sex can take a while to get comfortable with, but this is where the phrase “practice makes perfect” comes into play. Lastly, sexual intimacy is given to you by someone you love, and they truly love you.

            Sexual intimacy is a relationship can experience problems or challenges. Often people will think that if their sexual didn’t go as they wanted something is wrong with either themselves or spouse. Couples also feel that they we not educated or prepared enough for their first sexual experience. Though rare, some sexual relationships between husband and wife can become abusive.  Some couple say that there is a lack of intimacy or they have not engaged in sexual activities for a long time in their relationship. Solutions to help with these intimacy problems are easy and achievable. Playfulness with each other about things makes your personal and sexual relationship improve. Having humor about things that each other do makes it fun, you get the chance to goof around with your spouse. This allows you to grow and become more comfortable with one another. 

Blogger,

Laken Nordin